


Hearts in Pain

by sparkinside



Category: AFI
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2014-12-19
Packaged: 2018-03-02 05:53:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2801957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparkinside/pseuds/sparkinside
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The choices we make have long reaching consequences, whether we choose to face them or not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hearts in Pain

**Author's Note:**

> Nothing in this piece ever happened. I claim no ownership nor do I make any sort of profit from this, other than pride and a sense of amusement.

__

_You know when the heart’s in pain/ There is no one that you can blame/ The only light under the doctor’s knife is that we’re the same/ Hearts in pain_

His eyes wandered up the small driveway leading to a now dimly lit house. So much had changed since he’d last set eyes on the small property. The flowers lining the brick walkway to the red door had changed from marigolds to a small variety of bush he didn’t recognize. Toys now lined the well worn grass of the front lawn. Nothing was the same.

His fingers dug deep in the pockets of his jeans. Instinct told him to run, to get back into his car and drive away. Forget he’d ever stopped here again. It would be smarter that way; simpler, easier. But something seemed to hold him there. Something seemed to keep him rooted to the asphalt he stood on. 

His presence wouldn’t go unnoticed for too much longer. The more he stood and stared, the greater the chance he’d be found out. And that wasn’t an option he chose to entertain. When he’d left five years ago he swore he’d never return. He swore that this part of his life would be over. It had all seemed so simple then. Walk away before things got too complicated. Walk away before too many lives were torn apart. 

It had been a choice he’d stood firmly behind. A choice he felt was right. But lately… Lately he found himself wondering if it really had been the only option. Maybe staying, facing the consequences that would have surely arisen would have been the better choice. He’d been a coward back then, though he wouldn’t admit it to anyone. He’d chosen the easier road and here he was, back at square one.

“What are you doing in the street?” The soft voice startled him, nearly sending him back first onto the hood of his car. A brief, nervous chuckle fell from his lips and his eyes quickly shot towards the direction of the voice.

A small girl stood at the top of the driveway, her dark hair pulled back haphazardly behind her ears. Her eyes studied him quizzically; to say it was unnerving would have been an understatement. They were familiar eyes. 

“I… Um...” He paused. Had the situation not felt so awkward, he would have been laughing hysterically at it. In all of his years he’d never found himself tongue-tied, especially not after being caught spying by a six year old. “Having some car trouble,” he managed to get out, feeling all the more foolish for it.

Jesus, what the hell was wrong with him? He didn’t need to ask to figure out the answer to that question. It was standing a hundred feet ahead of him. 

“I can go get my Daddy,” the girl piped up, “He’s good at fixing cars. Momma says that’s his calling.” Without waiting for his response she dashed towards the front door, pulling it open all the well yelling quite loudly for her father. 

Panic rushed through him. Dammit, this wasn’t what he’d planned. It hadn’t even crossed his mind. Sit outside of the house, contemplate walking to the door; sure. But actually having to face his past, speak to the ghosts that had been haunting him for far too long. No, that had never been part of the equation. 

The soft creak of the front door pulled his attention from his thoughts for a brief moment, forcing his eyes up towards the house. Jesus, he couldn’t do this. The little girl came bursting out of the front door, talking a mile a minute at the man she dragged behind her. Her small hand completely engulfed in his much larger one. 

“Anna, Honey, slow down. You’re going to pull Daddy’s arm out of...” his voice trailed off as his blue eyes settled upon the man leaning uncomfortably against the side of his car. A dozen emotions flashed across his slightly worn face. Anna slowed her pace, turning to face her father who wordlessly dropped her hand. “Go inside and help your Momma set up for dinner.”

“But Daddy...”

“Anna, now.” Anna’s eyes widened slightly and she took off running for the house, leaving the two men along in the front yard.

Neither spoke for the first few minutes, both staring uncomfortably at one another. The sharp pain of the door handle against his back kept him focused on what was happening before him. Dammit, this was not supposed to happen. And now that it had, he didn’t have the slightest idea what to do about it. Why the fuck did he think this was a good idea?

“Hunter.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. Short, emotionless, clinical in its nature. Hunter didn’t know quite what to make of it. In all the years he had known this man, he’d never heard him speak his name in such a cold manner. It was unnerving really. 

True, he hadn’t expected a warm welcome. Hunter truly hadn’t expected any sort of welcome, but if he truly thought on it, this wasn’t the welcome he would have wanted. 

He hadn’t a clue what to say. Somehow he figured the usual “long time, no see,” would not go over well. But he had no other words in his mind. Jesus, why didn’t he just leave when he’d had the chance? Stupid. God he was so fucking stupid sometimes. 

The longer Hunter stood there silent and awkward, the deeper the glare settled on the face of the man standing before him. Silence clearly wasn’t an acceptable response either. Hunter swallowed, looking down at his hands before muttering “Adam” softly. It was better than nothing, he supposed. 

“What are you doing here?” Adam’s voice was as even and emotionless as the last statement he’d uttered and it stung Hunter. He knew he didn’t deserve any less but that did not serve to lessen the blow. 

“I,” he started, uncertainty ringing in his voice, “I don’t know.” Honesty was the best policy, wasn’t it? And after everything that had happened between them honesty was the very least Hunter could give him. 

A frustrated sigh escaped from Adam’s chapped lips, the sound forcing Hunter to raise his eyes to face him. “You shouldn’t be here.”

Silently, Hunter nodded. It was true; he had no business being there. What had happened between them was over. And if he was truly honest with himself, it never should have happened in the first place. Being here was only going to bring up the things he had spent years running from. Things he thought he had let go of.

“I just,” Hunter began, “I just…found myself here. I never meant to…”

“Just leave, Hunter.” Adam’s voice was clipped, his eyes hard. Being here was hurting him; that much Hunter could read in his eyes. As much as the time had changed the man standing before him, so much had remained the same. And Adam had always worn his heart on his sleeve, despite how hard he tried to hide it. 

Hunter nodded slowly before turning back towards his car. He’d always been a coward and this time proved to be no different. Running away again, aren’t we Burgan. Typical. Reaching for the handle, he turned back and said, “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.” He didn’t wait for a response; it wouldn’t have changed anything anyway. With a deep breath, Hunter climbed into the car and pulled off of the curb. Coming here had been a mistake.

 

Adam Carson stood staring blankly at the now empty road before him. The chaos and confusion flying through his mind was nearly deafening. He didn’t know what to think. Of all the things he expected to find when Anna had dragged him from the house talking a mile a minute, Hunter standing there looking much like a deer caught in the headlights was certainly not one of them. 

The stupid bastard, he just had to show his damned face now; just when he was finally getting settled into his life. It was such a Hunter move. Show up whenever he damn well pleased; leave whenever it was convenient for him. Make a huge fucking mess of everyone’s life but his own. 

Adam had never hated another human being so much. He’d taken everything he’d ever known and turned it on its head. He had made Adam question every choice he’d ever made, every vow he’d taken, every person he’d loved. All for nothing. 

“Daddy?” the soft voice and gentle tugging on the side of his shirt brought Adam back to reality. His eyes turned down to the young girl standing beside him.

“Yes princess?” He fought hard to keep his voice in a happy, playful tone. He couldn’t afford to falter in front of his daughter. None of this was her fault.

“Did you fix the man’s car?” 

He nodded, “Yeah, all fixed.” Anna smiled at him then, taking his hand once more and tugging him back towards the house, ready to show him the next interesting thing she had discovered. As he followed, Adam smiled softly. This was his life now, his entire world. 

Whatever it was that had happened in the past was just that, the past he told himself. It was done and there was no sense it drudging it up. A familiar pair of eyes flashed in his mind, clouding his vision, and made the small, traitorous part of his heart that he had tried so desperately to ignore ache. Pushing that thought away he forced a smile to his face, ready to be whatever his little girl needed him to be. 

As they passed through the kitchen, he paused behind his wife who was diligently focused on the bubbling pot before her. Adam smiled softly and kissed her cheek. She turned and smiled at him. “Love you,” she whispered to him before turning her attention back to the stove. 

She really was a wonderful woman; smart, loving, and kind. He didn’t deserve her but he was grateful for her. “Love you too.” As the words left his lips, he hoped she couldn’t hear the small seed of doubt nestled in them. He needed to believe them; needed her to believe them. This needed to be enough for him, like it had been for the last five years. 

He refused to let five minutes change what he’d spent several years building. This was his constant and he couldn’t survive without it, no matter what his traitorous heart whispered. This had to be enough. He would make it be enough, even if it killed him.

 

__

_You know when the heart’s in pain/ There’s no one that you can blame/ The battles you fight in the war of your life/ Will always remain/ Hearts in pain_


End file.
